Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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