I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
