why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
