Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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