I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
