woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
