i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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