Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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