you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
