She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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