Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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