every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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