yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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