Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
