Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
