Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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