Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
