he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize