I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
