I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
