Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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