I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
