just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
