just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
