He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
