God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
