Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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