erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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