they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
