I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
