Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
