so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
