Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
