3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
