I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
