If that was your dad, he is hot
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
