And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
