bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
