i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
