it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
