I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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