You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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