I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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