No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
