They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
