How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize