I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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