just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
