I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
