Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
