ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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