Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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