He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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