I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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