we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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