I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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