I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
