So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Enjoy the penises
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
