I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
