Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
