just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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