I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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