Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
