is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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