my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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