i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
