he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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