my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
