he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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