Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
