hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
