Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
