my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
