At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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