I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i need an iv and a liver transplant
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
