If that was your dad, he is hot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
