If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she woke up with a sticky ear
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
