in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
