I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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